What is lost?

The Tao Te Ching tells us "Truly, one may gain by losing; And one may lose by gaining"

We all throughout our lives live to do better, help our children do better than we did, and accomplish more than our parents did.  What do we gain when we attempt to amass things? So often I see that people want to show accomplishment by the amount of things they possess. I tell you though that true accomplishment is by our very actions, and what is learned. We our the true Virtue of our souls, and Chi. Think of when you see someone in need, and if but one person would help them, how would this change the World? If one person helped another and this happened across the globe, would it make a difference? Would you know if a difference occurred?

These questions are good and all, but the most important question is: does it matter? Does it matter if the change occurs; does it matter if you notice a change. Change of the world should not matter, you should not care whether you see a change. All that matters is what happens to you. If you lost all of your worldly possessions, you would have no bills. That would mean less stress, and therefor gaining by losing. Look at the world as one experience, meant to be enjoyed at every turn, and every moment.

Someone can not take from you what you do not have. Give freely and you can never be robbed. Do not show strength and you will not be challenged. Exist in the here and now, leave the past to the historians, and let the future be for your children. In all of this I am trying to say, you can not lose what you do not give away, but you can not gain unless you give.

Chinese Philosophy Used in Business Practices

     For many years now the business world has used many of the ancient Chinese texts like "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu to help them in negotiations and with their business philosophies.  A recent article I read (The Tao meets the Dow) talks about how the use of these ancient texts are misused and misunderstood in today's world.  It was the belief of the author that business leaders should stop trying to use texts from another culture that we don't or can't understand to lead us in the business world. 

     What many people fail to realize about these texts is that they are not meant for business, but texts written on how to live everyday.  The Tao Te Ching says:

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
the Tao is present, and can welcome all things.

 This is one passage of many that could be used in the business world, and everyday life.  The success or failure of a person or action is based solely on the conditions of that person's decisions or the consequences of those actions.  I believe that these ancient texts are valid for our lives, no matter what job or position that we hold.  We should look to expand our lives with the education of those that came before us, so that we may learn from them. Hopefully we can continue their journey to allow the world to be what it is meant to be, and not what we wish it to be. 

I will leave you with this from the Tao Te Ching:

The sage does not distinguish between himself and the world;
The needs of other people are as his own.

He is good to those who are good;
He is also good to those who are not good,
Thereby he is good.
He trusts those who are trustworthy;
He also trusts those who are not trustworthy,
Thereby he is trustworthy.

The sage lives in harmony with the world,
And his mind is the world's mind.
So he nurtures the worlds of others
As a mother does her children.

Danger's in the Losing of Oneself

     While reading an article (When Your Partner's Love Isn't Enough) it spoke about dependency on others as well as your spouse. While we as a society and as human beings are social creatures, it is my belief that when we allow ourselves to be too encompassed into someone else's beliefs or ideas, we lose that which we have gained over our evolution. Our "self's".  


     It is our ideas, thoughts, and beliefs generated within our own reality that makes what we consider "us" to be us.  Another article I was reading (The Idiots Guide to Dealing with Idiots) makes very good points on daily practices we should utilize to strengthen our inner selves so that we may be able to express our desires and goals. It is only through this understanding of ourselves that we can advance in our own emotional health and maintain a well-being that will keep us grounded. 


     We become disappointed when we rely on others to provide to us what we believe that we need. Self-reliance is strength and conviction in your own decisions. Empowerment comes through the belief that what you need, you can provide for yourself. Do not give up control of your life to another, let another find light in your life.

Stress, Life, and how to not let them control you (part 2)

Last post I spoke of how the Ch'i can affect our bodies and our moods. It is this affect on our being that effects those who are around us. We as human beings are social creatures and crave, nay require interaction with other people. A problem that occurs, with some of us, is that in our search for a connection with someone else, we morph our beliefs, emotions, and very thoughts to what others around us believe, feel, or think.  In an article written by Dr. Athena Staik, (http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2011/06/the-secret-to-being-authentically-you-part-1/) she says: "Life is a learning journey. We are each unique beings living in a world surrounded by unique others, with whom, paradoxically, we also share a lot in common. The best and perhaps only way to really understand others is to know and understand ourselves." One method of understanding ourselves is through meditation.

There are as many ways to meditate, as there are people in the world.  The reason for this is due to what is in the paragraph above, our uniqueness.  Meditation is simply a state of mind. It is a tool used to achieve an insight into what is our center. Finding what is in the center of our "uniqueness", keeps us grounded into what makes us an individual.  It helps us to not get lost in other people's beliefs, emotions, or thoughts. If everyday you reach into yourself for a little sense of peace, then all the stresses you come into contact with will be more manageable.  Think about this way, that stress is your belief of what you think others require of you. You would have no stress if you were in control of what was required of you. This is not a revelation, but no one can control you but you. Your thoughts, your ideas, your actions, and mostly your decisions are all controlled by you.  A therapist once told me that all we can control is our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions.  Sounds like the same idea.  But these are not new ideas, thousands of years ago a great philosopher Lao Tzu said; "“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”  This is the state meditation assists us in acquiring.  

If you have never tried mediation, start by simply sitting somewhere fairly quiet.  Sit with your legs crossed for balance, if you can, or just sit. Close your eyes, and don't think.  Now I know you are probably saying, I can't just sit and not think.  I had the same problems when I started, my mind was not able to shut down my thoughts.  So, focus your thoughts on your breathing. Breathe in your nose and out your mouth, and count your breathes.  Each cycle of breath is inhaling through your nose, and exhaling through your mouth. That is one breath.  Focus your thoughts on visualizing a white number on a black background.  As you take each breath, focus only on the number.  See it in your mind as if you were looking at it on a page.  Allow the number to change as you breathe.  Your breaths must be slow, allow yourself to let go and just see the number as you breathe.  Do this until you are able to focus solely on the number with no other thoughts creeping in.  It may not happen the first few times you meditate.  It will happen eventually though, remember the point is not to have a goal or destination, but the trip itself.  Relax, breathe, and enjoy the ride.

Stress, Life, and how to not let them control you (part 1)

As we live through everyday life, we have stress factors that can affect us at every turn. Work, money, bills, relationships, and children are all factors that can cause us stress in our lives. We can not control whether we have stress, but we can control how we allow the stress to affect us. 

I have studied traditional chinese medicine and believe in Ch'i.  Ch'i is the life-force which many people call energy, holy spirit, or feelings.  Regardless of what you may want to name it, it is the driving force which resides in all of us. Ch'i flows through our body like blood through our bloodstream. It flows along what is called meridians. Meridians are the lines or pathways similar to our veins and arteries.  Ch'i can affect our emotional state.  It can make us angry, happy, sad as well as many other emotions when it is not flowing properly. Ch'i can also affect our physical bodies.  Blockages in our Ch'i can cause sore muscles, illnesses, and many other physical issues. Learning to clear those blockages can also treat many of those illnesses and other issues. There are many ways to treat blockages in our Ch'i, acupuncture being one of the more well known methods, as well as acupressure, massage, herbal remedies, and meditation.

Meditation is also a method of maintaining and controlling our Ch'i.  Meditation is used as a way to help us deal with the everyday struggles which affect our physical and mental well-being. There are various forms of meditation that are used by people, and you may use it and not even know it.  Have you ever sat and taken five minutes to just relax and breathe?  That is a form of mediation. Meditate is defined by Webster's dictionary as the engagement of thought or contemplation.  Many people believe that meditation is a religious, fake, or new age farce. Many people that don't understand meditation see it as pointless with no beneficial purpose. People that pray are mediating, sitting to relax and clear your mind is meditating.  Whether you do these things to feel better emotionally or to be more focused it is still a form of meditation.  Once you can view meditation as a tool used widely and not within the confines of a belief system or far-fetched  new age remedy, you can begin to allow the benefits of a balanced Ch'i help with the stresses that affect you everyday.

This will be a three part series, in the next series I will go over meditation principles and practices, methods of mediation,  and patterns to help deal with different emotional states.

Happiness: Choice or Condition?

I sometimes like to put a random quote on my facebook page and today's quote stirred a thought.  The quote was: "Happiness depends upon ourselves. - Aristotle".  Now what you can take from Aristotle is that happiness is a choice that we choose to either be happy or not be happy. This made me wonder is happiness truly a choice, or is it a condition of our environment and social status? I started doing some research on happiness beliefs and came across this article: "Choosing Happiness in Our Lives Revisited". (http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/choosing-happiness-in-our-lives-revisited/)

I believe that happiness is a choice because it is our choice to be happy with our lives regardless of the situation we are in at the moment. But you must choose. You may either choose happiness or misery. But a choice is always made. Here is an excerpt from the article I found interesting when Dr. John Grohol talks about it being easier than you think to choose happiness:

It is only as complicated as we make it. Sometimes we make things more complex than they are, because we grope around in the dark for excuses not to be happy. You heard me. Some people don’t want to be happy, but can’t admit that to themselves. They wouldn’t know what kind of life to live, or what kind of person to be if they gave up their past hurts, their past failures, and their past choices. While we are all the product of our histories, we are not beholden to keep repeating them over and over again unless we so choose. Many of us, fearful of the unknown, choose what is known, even if it’s misery and unhappiness.

Our past is what has brought us to where you currently are today, but it is your choices today that will take you to where you are tomorrow. Don't think about what has happened to you, and that you will never get past that point.  Think about what you want from tomorrow, and look forward. Change is the only constant, and your choices will help whatever changes are going to occur to be positive. You have to make the choice though because no one can make that choice for you. Your relationships with friends, family, and significant others will blossom if you allow yourself to accept changes and be positive about them. So the only real question here is, will you let your happiness be a choice or a condition?

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

I have spoken many times about how technology can hinder a relationship and is a cause of cheating in many relationships. But it CAN be used to help a relationship and cause it to grow.  Today we spend much of our time checking our Facebook status, or Tweeting what we are doing at the moment. We may not realize it, but  throughout the day we are doing things that are necessary to our own evolution. We are interacting socially, looking for acceptance, and trying to be validated. Whether that validation is through our work, family, or among society as a whole. What most of us want is to matter to at least one person. So in a relationship take a minute to text your loved one, set a status update, or tweet during the day a little note letting them know you are thinking of them. Doing something small like continually over time is the same as watering your plants everyday. Over time you will watch your relationship grow. Jealousy and other killers will subside, and you both will be stronger.